


I Chose Me

by Widowfics



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Andrew sucks, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Varian (Disney), I literally wrote this in like thirty minutes, based on the amazing fic series by vaguenotion, don't judge I'm just a sophomore, it's called "Blood Makes the Knife Holy", mentions of past injuries, takes place after "The Before and After", this is a trade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Widowfics/pseuds/Widowfics
Summary: After the events of "The Before and After" by vaguenotion, Varian takes the time to process one last thing...
Relationships: Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	I Chose Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vaguenotion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaguenotion/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Before And After](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322922) by [vaguenotion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaguenotion/pseuds/vaguenotion). 



> Hey guys! Yep, I'm still working on the 7K series. Nope, this is completely unrelated. I've been following an amazing fic by the incredibly talented writer, vaguenotion, which started out as a Varian whump fic in the middle of Season 3 and just left off as a beautifully written post series story (still with plenty of whump tho). The challenge-I mean, proposal, to write a one shot based on this series in exchange for a one shot of your choice was brought up, and I literally could not say no. Cause I mean, it's not like I'm in the middle of moving to a different country, going to a new school, skipping a grade, working on like three other projects or anything.  
> Perfect time to write an unrelated one shot!
> 
> Anyways, enough of my ranting. If you haven't read the fic mentioned above, you won't understand this. Please go read it though, it's worth it!

The wind bit at him underneath his coat and the spray of waves crashing against rock made him shiver violently, but that’s much more preferable to what he has been experiencing every night since...since…

Varian shudders, but this time it’s not from the cold.

A lot had happened in the past few weeks (a lot had happened in the past few _years_ , but he had had a separate time to process and react to those events). After living off adrenaline for such an extended period, he had been destined to have a crash when everything would hit him at once. But he’ll get through it - in time, his wounds will heal. Soon, his brain won’t have him flinch at every sudden noise or movement. He will eventually even come to accept the execution of the orchestrator of his pain, both the fact that Nigel is no longer a threat and that it was the only decision. 

But there is one thing he still hasn’t come to terms with, and it can no longer be pushed aside. The sleepless nights and constant voices in his head are enough evidence of that.

It had all happened so fast...those gut-wrenching moments on the palace balcony where every second was a fight to survive had only been leading up to something that, even with his experience and brilliance, Varian could’ve never seen coming. He looked death straight in the eyes, not ready to accept such a fate after _everything_ , heart slamming against his chest as his chest slammed against the railing, teetering, _slipping_ , FALLING-

Only to watch as _Andrew_ plummeted to his ruin.

Eugene had said it would be ok. Eugene had said it was the only way. Andrew would have sold him to Trevor. Andrew would have tortured him. Andrew _had_ tortured him, had _been_ torturing him for years. Andrew wanted him dead. Andrew was his enemy. Andrew hated him.

Andrew had been there for him when no one else had.

Even now, standing underneath that very balcony, amongst the very rocks that ended that very life, Varian cannot find it in him to accept it. Andrew is dead. He will never again manipulate Varian’s feelings for his own good. He will never again whisper those sickening threats in Varian’s ear. He will never again slap Varian for speaking out of line or punch Varian only to make him watch his own bleeding for the sheer thrill of it.

 _He will never again comfort you after a nightmare. He will never again listen to you cry about prison and_ understand _. He will never show off your skills and intelligence to his friends._

Varian closes his eyes and clenches his fists, exhaling shakily. He lets the familiar throb in his shoulder and abdomen pull him out of the near downward spiral. He levels his eyes on the dark horizon, made hazy by the lack of sun. He had gotten up early (that’s generous; he had never gone to sleep) today, taking his chance at an unsupervised trip outside the castle. If any of his friends realize he’s gone, well...it won’t be pretty.

But he has to get this sorted out. He has to come to terms with the truth. And the truth is that Andrew is _gone_.

 _But that could’ve been different_ . _He might still be here if-_

Varian pushes the thought away. He didn’t _want_ him to still be here. That man didn’t deserve to live.

_Neither did you. You were given a second chance. Why are you and he so different?_

Varian groans softly, shaking his head. No, that isn’t right. Andrew and him were not alike.

_You wanted to make them pay because they broke their promise. You wanted them to fix it. You made a promise to Andrew and you went back on it. He only wanted you to fix it._

“No…” Varian whispers, backing up. From what, he’s not sure.

 _He came for revenge, revenge that you_ deserved _. And now where is he?_

Dead. A body in the ocean. Gone forever, while Varian gets to live - healthy, loved, and forgiven for his past wrongs. 

_Two people could’ve fallen from that ledge._

_You made your choice._

“Varian?”

“I didn’t kill him,” Varian insists, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes in a desperate attempt to stop tears from pathetically flowing down his face. “I swear I - it all just happened so fast, and he was pulling me down - I-I didn’t know what to do -”

Suddenly, footsteps approach him so quickly they’re right next to him without warning. He involuntarily flinches back, hands flying away from his eyes and coming in front of his face defensively. It takes a while for his vision to focus, but whoever it is lets out the smallest of gasps, taking a step back at his reaction. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Varian. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“...Rapunzel?”

Finally his sight clears, and he sees the princess looking at him with concern, unmistakable even in the shadows cast across her. Before he can stop himself, he’s launching into her, holding her tight and ignoring the irritation in his injuries.   
She doesn’t hesitate to embrace him in return, arm carefully wrapping around his middle and hand resting atop his head. Her warmth centers him in the midst of the storm in his head. 

“What were you talking about?” she finally asks in a soft tone that suggests she’s more worried about that than the fact that he snuck out behind their backs. “Who didn’t you kill?”

He pulls away with a barely hidden sniff, eyes downcast with embarrassment at the fact that she found him in such a state. His own mind hasn’t taken such a turn against him since...well, it’s been a while. 

“It’s - it’s nothing,” he lies, subconsciously wrapping his arms around himself. 

She seems ready to disagree, but something interrupts her. Varian watches as understanding lights up her face. 

“This is where Andrew died,” she murmurs.

Varian opens his mouth, only to close it again. He nods.

“Is that what you were talking about?” she incites, gaze somehow softening even more.

At first he wants to deny it, not let her worry about it, handle this himself. But he also knows Rapunzel is smart. She’ll figure it out, she’ll realize what’s bothering him. She always does.

He nods again.

“Oh Varian,” she sighs, “you didn’t kill him. He was trying to kill you. Eugene was the one who pushed him to _save_ you.”

“I-I know that,” Varian stammers, still hugging himself.

“It’s hard to accept,” she guesses. “I know what you’re feeling.”

“But Rapunzel, what happened with Nigel and what happened with Andrew are not the same-”

“I’m not talking about Nigel,” she gently cuts him off.

Varian blinks. “Oh.”

She gives a small smile and short huff of air as if to tell him to listen. Then her gaze leaves his face and finds the ocean in front of them. Her hands fold behind her back. 

“For the first eighteen years of my life, I lived with a woman who used me and abused me. My only purpose was for her profit. She was twisted, and evil, and uncaring and selfish and cruel.”

Her brows furrow and her words become more intense with each adjective. She stops to take a breath and find her composure once more. 

“But I loved her. She told me she loved me, and I believed her. There was a time I would have done anything for her. She was my world…”

Varian stares in wonder as the bubbly, strong princess of Corona and one of his best friends squeezes her eyes shut, tilting her head away.

“She tried to kill Eugene. She _did_ kill Eugene. But his wish was to free me, and he did. At that exact moment, I became useless to her. In that moment, it was her or me.”

Rapunzel’s eyes are open again, and she has turned back to her young friend. Their gaze locks, and her next words are slow and deliberate, made to pierce through Varian’s conflict and reach into his anguished heart.

“I chose me.”

The ability to speak seems to leave Varian, and he only stares back at her. He didn’t need to hear the rest of the story; he knows what happened; everyone does. He has never heard it from her, though, and never in this light. Could it be? He wasn’t at fault for this, for anything between him and his former cellmate? The question had been echoing in his mind for days now, and to finally suggest that the only person behind the man’s fate was himself is _game changing_ -

Except…

“Except,” his small voice leaks out, looking up at her desperately. Rapunzel waits patiently for him to continue.

“Rapunzel, you and me...it’s not the same. You were completely innocent. Gothel kidnapped you and you never knew anything besides her. I did terrible things! Andrew and I only met because we were both criminals. He stole, I stole, he tried to kill people, I tried to kill people. And yes, I changed. I’m never, ever going back to that. You guys forgave me, and-and I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact of the past. Andrew and I were the same, and it wasn’t fair to choose, so how can you possibly compare you and me?”

“You’re right.”

Varian snaps his head up. What?

Rapunzel barks a laugh, high and exaggerated. She grabs his shoulders, before changing her mind and taking his face in her hands instead. He lets her, not able to find it in himself to react.

“You’re right, it wasn’t fair for you to have to choose between two lives. And it wasn’t fair for you to get hunted, and kidnapped, and beaten, and almost _murdered_ multiple times. None of this was fair to _you_.”

She pauses to take a breath, fixed look unwavering. Varian can only return it, any hope of protest lost in her determination. Her next words are thick with emotion.

“Here’s where you’re wrong: you and Andrew were _not_ the same. Your actions were out of fear and hurt. Andrew was hurting people long before they ever did anything to him. You came after us because we were your friends, and we betrayed your trust. Andrew _never_ loved you, Varian. Just like Gothel never loved me. And if either were still alive, they’d be hunting us this very second.”

“But Princess, I-” Varian tries weakly. 

“No,” she stops him. “Maybe I was innocent, oblivious and kept against my will. And maybe you were guilty, fully aware and lashing out in violence. But then you realized it. You took it back, you changed your mind and we _forgave_ you. Do you know what forgiveness is, Varian?”

Her question is kind, and the small smile with it makes his heart skip a beat. By now, only one hand is on his face, gently cupping his cheek. She answers before he can, voice soothing to his troubled thoughts. 

“It’s the overcoming of negative emotions towards someone. Negative emotions tied to a past experience. To overcome the emotions, you have to overcome the experience. Varian, anyone who has truly forgiven you does _not_ hold you accountable for your past anymore! Don’t you get it? Andrew wasn’t looking for forgiveness. He was insistent on staying a threat to not just you, but this entire kingdom. Something had to be done.”

Rapunzel sighs, finally pulling away and giving Varian space. For a moment, the only sound is the relentless crashing of the ocean beneath them. The only movement is the shivering of two bodies, unable to find peace. 

“I...recently had to make a decision too,” Rapunzel finally continues. “I had to sentence a man to death. Nigel...he was never going to stop. He made that much clear. He was going to come after me, come after you, come after Eugene, and Cass, and my parents. And he would’ve, I - I know he would’ve. And again, it was him or me.”

She takes Varian’s small, cold hand in her own.

“And again, I chose me.” She takes a breath. “I chose _us_.”

Varian takes his own breath, slow and shuddering. “It was Andrew or me,” he whispers.

And in that moment, he thinks he might actually get it. Everything everyone has been trying to tell him for _so long_ . The voices in his head don’t rise up to contradict him, to drag him back where he started. He - he actually _understands_.

“I chose me.”

The tip of a sunrise breaks over the skyline, the first beams of morning lighting up the day with Rapunzel’s smile. Varian matches it.

“And you saved _everybody_.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I chose to write about that point in the story because Varian went through so much crap, he never got the chance to react to watching someone he used to consider a friend, and then someone who had been constantly abusing him, fall to their death. Especially when it very well could have been him falling. I debated which character would be the best to comfort him in such a situation, and then realized Rapunzel went through almost the exact same thing (someone she loved who turned out not loving her back, instead using her for selfish gain and mistreating her, and then watching them fall to their death) Also I know it wasn't technically Rapunzel's choice to hang Nigel, but just go with me here
> 
> I also did some fan art for this fic (I'm in quarantine guys and I really love the story, leave me alone) Here's the link: https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/634444666256197822/
> 
> thx for reading, Jesus loves you;)


End file.
